Shear Strength
by Funkymintbro
Summary: Bolin fails to save an eight year old girl from drowning due to not having the strength needed to lift a boulder out of the way. The guilt and drive to becoming stronger soon overwhelms him, as he takes drastic lengths to achieve a stronger body and begins to lose his mind. It's up to Korra and her friends to help the depressed Bolin revert back to his original happy self.
1. Failure

**Note to reader: **English is my second language and one of the main purposes of writing this story is so that I get better at it. In fact, the last time I wrote something over 200 words in English was over 2 years ago. I've tried my best to make sure there aren't any sloppy mistakes but I'm gonna be honest: expect some dullness here and there. I would point out the most likely mistake I might make but if I do that you'll probably notice it...I wont get it right away. This story is meant to add character development to Bolin that I felt he lacked in the show. Also, **DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Avatar: The Legend Of Korra or Avatar: The Last Airbender or any of the characters involved in this story. Well, here it goes.

"You can't go in there sir."

Bolin, still trying to catch his breath, shoved the worker out of the way. "I have to go in there!", Bolin's voice was loud and forceful. Not intimidating, but compelling.

"But sir, there's been a water main break and the entire tunnel is probably gonna be flooded. Not only that, the damn water has weakened the inner walls – the whole thing could cave in."

Bolin looked annoyed, "Let me guess, four guys, thugs, came in here with a truck earlier, went down there and suddenly all hell broke loose?"

The worker was slightly startled, "Yeah, how'd you know?".

"I've been chasing them, they **took **a child with them, they probably took her down there...there's a **child** in there, and I need to go get her. **Now**_."_

No longer able to think of a valid reason to deny Bolin, the opposing man submitted, "Fine, but if they're doing what I think they're doing, you'd better get there now-", before he could finish his sentence Bolin began sprinting towards the tunnel, "before the tunnel collapses!"

He looked back as he was running, "Don't worry, I'm an Earthbender, I can handle it!"

_If only I was a Waterbender too_.

The sewer smells exactly how anyone would imagine it would. Earth, mold and stench. Even while breathing rapidly and deeply from running, what had seemed to be, miles upon miles, Bolin wasn't affected by it at all. In fact, he didn't even notice it. He was too focused on finding her. The little girl who would **die** if he doesn't get to her in time. What if he's too late? Bolin tried desperately to keep that thought locked away, but he couldn't help but think she might already be dead. It was only natural to do so.

The pipes above him were noticeably damaged, all of them burst, water spraying outwards and onto the ground creating a drizzle and other water sounds – the slosh of his boots as he walked haunted him in dreams for months on afterwards. His feet were cold from the sludge seeping into his shoes. The drops of water that landed on and around his eyes blurred his vision.

_I'm so filthy right now. So hungry. So tired. I can't even see straight. But forget about all that. Forget about **everything! **Just **go**. **Go!** _

The tunnel almost seems endless, but finally, a breakthrough – a scream for help – a human voice! Both devastated and somewhat relieved, he follows it frantically. All the noises, the drizzle, the sprinkle, the spray, the splashes, every bit of sound emanating from and bouncing off his surroundings collectively turn into a roar, but once he reaches the wall, **that wall**_, _nearly everything silences. He can just hear her desperate, muffled, voice. There's no time for introductions.

"Hello?! What's going on in there?! Are you hurt?!"

"No I'm fine, but there's water flooding this place, and I can't get out! I'm tied to a chair! Please get me out of here, please!"

"I will. I will! I promise. You're gonna be okay, just hold on."

Instantly, a voice enters Bolin's mind. Like a memory.

_Don't make promises you can't keep._

He has never Earthbended with so much ferocity before. One boulder out of the way, two boulders, three, four, five. Each one getting bigger every time. He has never felt so exhausted in his life either. There appears to be some metal support beams behind the first layer of rock.

_This wall was clearly put here by those...there's no words to describe the kind of people that would do this._

First layer down, now for the metal. He can't metal bend. He's tried before, and he's tried hard. He knows that a child drowning still wont be the thing that could summon that ability. He's already decided that **nothing **can. Not within the tiny amount of time he has anyway. So instead he smashes the rocks from the first layer of the wall to dent the metal out of the way. After at least two dozen blows the third and final layer is exposed, there for dismantling.

"How're you doin' in there?!"

"I'm still breathing...please hurry! It's up to my neck!"

He summons all he has. All of his will power. All of his love, compassion, anger, everything he has. **One hundred percent.**

First, second, third boulder out of the way. One more. _Just. One. More. _The biggest and heaviest of them all. He attempts to lift it. He struggles and struggles. He screams out of frustration. He can't do it. **He can't. **He knows he can't. There has to be another way - taking the boulder apart. Yes, that could do it. He begins to erode at the rock. Clawing at the air. Breaking it apart, piece by piece. Hope begins to enter his eyes again. When all seems like it's going to be fine, the worst happens. Those-who-can't-be-described show up.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" One of them has an unforgettable scar on his left cheek.

"Her daddy sen'chu? Yeah well no-one's gettin' in there." This one has a disgustingly satisfied smirk on his face, as do the other two.

"**I** am." Two words are all he needs. And he makes the first move. The first eleven moves to be exact. Quick and consecutive attacks, rock after rock. Just like with the discs in pro-bending. Except this time he wasn't holding anything back – all head shots, groin shots, 'unnecessary roughness', or rather, necessary roughness. Whatever it took. And they were down, possibly out for good, but he didn't care. All he cared about was the one person depending on him at that moment. He returns to the task at hand.

"Hey, you still with me?!"

There is no reply. He realizes that at this point, she is completely under water. He tries to dig his way underneath the boulder as a quicker way to get to her, but he hits more metal underneath.

_They've thought of everything. Those ba- no time to think, just keep going._

"I will get you out of there! I will!"

He continues to erode at the boulder ferociously, only to find more metal embedded within the rock, thus slowing him down a little. **Three minutes. **It took him three minutes to finally get through and release all the built up water from inside. A miniature flood blasted past him. But he was still standing. Strong and stubborn – like the earth, like the boulder that was in his way.

And there she is. Lifeless. Tied to a chair. Her head facing downwards as her chin is resting on her chest.

_No. I can't be too late. No, please no._

He approaches her, kneels down and uses a shard of rock to cut through the ropes. Her body falls on his, and he rests her on the ground. He tries to resuscitate her, but his efforts are futile. After countless chest compressions, he realized she was gone. And some part of him had gone with her.

First it begins at the base of his spine. Then it flows into and through his lungs. And then he can contain it no longer – a scream of sorrow.

_I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry._


	2. Weakness

He didn't break his promise. He did get that girl out of there. He did. But it was still his greatest failure. His greatest regret. He'll never forget it. An intact promise that left him broken.

Today Tenzin decided to go on patrol with Lin, for 'old times sake'. His schedule was free after all. She had intercepted a report of a kidnapping east to her position in a small town. She and he were on their way. Once they arrived, they found police headlights swarming the place, but they also found a defeated Bolin sitting, facing a wall with his legs and knees locked together by his arms, in a curled ball position. Lin and Tenzin looked at each other. It wasn't like Bolin to be still and lifeless. Tenzin knew something terrible had to have just happened. She recognised that Tenzin was familiar with the figure, "One of yours?"

Tenzin nodded. "Yes, Lin. Bolin - one of the pro-benders we watched."

Lin was the first to approach Bolin. "Bolin, what happened here?" Bolin didn't move. Still facing away from her, he let out his thoughts.

"I'm weak. It's my fault. I didn't save her. I wasn't strong enough. I should have been strong enough, but I wasn't. I'm pathetic. Now she's **dead**. A child, an innocent child, dead because of **me**. When people need me I fail them. Like always. I have to rely on others. Mako, Korra. They're strong. But not me."

"I need details kid. I know this might be hard for you but I need you to-" Before she could go on Tenzin held her shoulder, prompting her to stop. He didn't need to speak. The look in his eyes said it all.

"You are strong, Bolin. We all fail sometimes. We all-" Tenzin attempted to comfort Bolin, but his efforts seemed to be futile.

"Yeah, we all do. But everyone who isn't a weakling like me, everyone who **isn't me**, fails at something that can be retried the next day. But this...I can't bring her back. I had one shot, and I missed. **It's my fault.**"

"You did your best. You fought. You struggled. You _tried_. You put your life on the line. And it most certainly isn't your fault! I'm sure you gave everything you had. One hundred percent."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? It's easy for you to say that now, but what if it were Jinora, Meelo or Ikki depending on me to save them? And I wasn't strong enough? Oh, at least I tried my best, right?"

"I...no..." Tenzin tried to protest again, but decided not to. Deep down he knew Bolin was right. If it were one of his own, he wouldn't be so comforting towards him.

"No, didn't think so. You'd be furious with me. And I would deserve it. Just like I do now. A hundred percent wasn't enough, but it should've been. I need to tell the parents myself." Bolin stood up finally, and walked towards Lin, facing her with an expression he only ever used during his rough childhood. "I can't have the police do it for me. It's my responsibility."

Lin nodded and gave him her approval. Over her decades, she learned to be stern and harsh. Only occasionally did she show signs of empathy and sympathy. This was one of those occasions.

"Alright. I'll give you a lift. But before I do that, you need to know one difficult-to-swallow truth. No matter how hard you try, you can't save everyone. You're not the only one who's had to face this fact the hard way. When I told Korra this, she also had a hard time accepting it, and so will you."

"Korra... Chief Beifong, Master Tenzin..." Bolin had entered a state of submissiveness.

"You can call me Lin."

Speaking to both Lin and Tenzin, "Don't tell Korra what happened. Don't tell any of them. Mako, Asaami. **Especially** not Korra. No one. Please. I don't want them to worry. I don't want **her **to worry. She's the Avatar, she has more important things to worry about." He looked down, drained of self-worth. He dared not to make them promise, he just had faith in them. Like that girl had in him. "You'll have a full report from me along the way, Ch- Lin."

Tenzin came forward and raised his hand onto Bolin's shoulder, "Lets go."


	3. Addicted

Bolin has become addicted and dependant on the drugs. His personality has almost completely changed – nothing is left of the old Bolin that everyone knew and loved. His most recent and greatest failure was a big factor towards this transformation, but the biggest factor was in fact the drugs. Though he was unaware of this. Eventually he was beginning to run out of money to buy more, and so he resorted to stealing and threatening any of the black market sellers that denied him. He was strong enough to wipe out nearly anyone in his way after all. He continued to get even stronger, and even more aggressive. Today, he decides to hold a giant earth-made bowl above him, that in itself weighed at least three hundred kilos – a feat he found challenging to perform for so long, only a few weeks ago...before it happened. But today, that was the **bare minimum** of what he set out to hold above him. Along with the bowl, he had white lotus Earthbenders drop atlas stones into the bowl above him. Each stone weighing roughly two hundred and fifty kilos. After the fourth stone the guards were hesitant to continue, and a few Air Acolytes who come regularly to witness Bolin's feats of strength stood in amazement, but they were also nervous for him. Noticing that the guards stopped putting more stones into the bowl, Bolin snaps at them. "Who told you to stop?! I want at least three more! Do it!" The guards looked and shrugged at each other, and obeyed. Bolin's feet began to sink a few inches into the ground. He continues to grunt and struggle against the immense weight above him, using the combined and enhanced strength of his body, and his earth bending, and his mind. Eye lids squeezed together tightly, sweat dripping from his chin and ear lobes, he let out a huge scream before finally throwing down the weight in front of him after three minutes of torture. The same scream of sorrow...

Everyone is impressed and shows their admiration by cheering for Bolin, but this does not take away his feelings of guilt or bring back his humorous self and self-worth. Instead, his previous happiness is replaced with anger and regret. Every time he pushes harder than he had ever pushed before, he is thinking of that little girl – his greatest failure. The anger at himself fuels him. He hates himself, and so he can beat down and abuse his own body as much his soul can handle, with no hesitation. At the end of each session he asks himself what is the point in making up for absent strength now. That girl is dead, he failed, getting strong enough to lift that boulder now won't change what happened. But every time he looks at Master Tenzin's and Pema's children, he is reminded that there are other children, other people, he might need to be strong enough to save in the future. But what if that future need to save someone comes sooner than expected? He needs to be ready, **now**. This is his motive behind the steroid use. Or at least, that's what he's telling himself.

The clash with the ground causes a miniature tremor in the surrounding area and a very noticeable dent on the ground beneath. Korra and Tenzin startled, their training comes to a halt. It sounded as if a landslide occurred. They approach Bolin.

"Wow, you've really out-done yourself this time Bolin...just, don't hurt yourself okay?". Her concern was genuine and her facial expression is soft.

Usually this would put Bolin into some sort of short-lived trance or day dream, but this time he just dismissed her. "I don't need, or want, your concern. I know what I'm doing."

Both Korra and Tenzin were surprised by Bolin's harsh tone of voice and knitted eyebrows. Korra took a few seconds of silence to process what Bolin just did, and think of a reason why. All she could say back to him was "Fine, jerk." She turns around to walk away, back to her Airbending training, but she also notices that Tenzin is actually being soft to Bolin, instead of retaliating harshly like he would to her if she had talked like that to him.

"Bolin." Tenzin held his shoulder, only to have Bolin move his shoulder back so Tenzin's hand would slip off. "I know you've had a rough couple of weeks after what had happened, but I think you're dealing with it the wrong way. You need to channel the anger you have at yourself in a slightly different direction."

For a short moment Bolin actually acknowledges Tenzin's point and the anger faded away from his face...only to come back almost instantaneously. "I don't need or want your _wisdom _either. Now go back to doing your thing, and leave me to do mine."

Tenzin drops his soft approach and finally retaliates as Korra expected him to. "Very well, Bolin. But I expect you to put all of those rocks back and fix the damage to the ground you created as soon as you've finished."

Bolin looks irritated once more, "I didn't need to you to tell me that either, I was gonna anyway."

As Korra and Tenzin walk back to their training area, Korra complains to her master "Why'd it take you so long to put him down? If I lashed out at you like he just did, you'd handle me with no hesitation. Is it because I'm the Avatar? Your expectations are higher?!" Tenzin sighed. Korra's voice lowered. "What's gotten into him lately? I've never seen him so angry...so angry at me." She held her left arm with her right hand and looks down in dismay, but then she remembers. "Wait a minute, you said he'd had some rough weeks after **something happened**, and that he was angry at himself...what happened? He never told me about anything bad happening to him a few weeks ago. And he tells me a lot...at least I thought he does. It's not like I would forget. Now that I think about it, he's been not-himself for the past few weeks. Every time I needed someone to talk to, I could never find hi-" She nearly forgot that she was hinting at something to her Airbending teacher. "Never mind. Just tell me what happened."

Tenzin decides to tell her. He realized he'd have to tell her if he was to keep her from hating, supposedly, one of her best friends. "Bolin didn't tell anyone but Lin and I. Not you, not his brother, not anyone, just me and Chief Beifong." Korra looked somewhat rejected. "Don't take it personally Korra, the only reason he told us and only us is because we just happened to be in the right place at the right time."

She stops walking, causing Tenzin to bump into her shoulder. She turns her head around to Tenzin's, "What. Happened?"

Tenzin sighs again, "A few weeks ago, Bolin came across a group of gangsters exploiting a non-bending family. They were Earthbenders, and they told their victimized couple that they hadn't paid their 'debt' in time, so they would face the promised consequences...those, animals grabbed one of their children, an eight year old daughter, and threw her in the back of their truck, and told her parents that she was going to die, slowly...and painfully." Tenzin shudders and shuts his eyes tightly. He couldn't help but think of his own children.

Korra holds his shoulder, "go on..." Tenzin continues, "Bolin knew he had to act fast, he called for help, but no one in that area dared go against those animals. They all knew the consequences, and would avoid it, no matter the cost. He knew he couldn't just pray that the police would get there in time so he chased the truck on his own, but of course, he could only keep up for so long, but as quickly as he lost them, he managed to track those wretched thugs to an underground sewer. He heard her voice and followed it until he realized she was behind a huge, thick wall of rock and metal. One that the gangsters had built to trap her inside. He called to her, and she told him that the room she was in was being filled with water, that she was going to drown. He reassured her, he told her, _promised_ her, that she wouldn't drown because he would get her out." Tenzin paused.

Korra already knew the end of the story. "He didn't save her, did he?" Her own words broke her heart.

Tenzin nodded, "No, he didn't. He managed to lift most of the boulders out of the way and use the earth to dent the metal out of the way...but, the last boulder was too big and too heavy for him. He decided to try and scrape and erode away the rock quick enough instead, but before he could do so the thugs returned and caught him trying to rescue the girl. They fought. Bolin defeated all four of them. But he had taken too long, by the time he reached her...he blames himself. I told him that no one was to blame but the people truly responsible, those murderers. Not him. But he wouldn't listen. He felt it was his responsibility to break the news to the girl's parents. And he did. He begged for their forgiveness. They could only just grieve, let alone say something and empathise with a failed saviour. I kept repeating the fact that he did his best, and that it was noble of him to have tried, but he just dismissed my attempt at comforting him with a question – if it were one of my own that he had failed to save, would I still tell him that he at least tried his best? I knew the answer of course, I wouldn't try to comfort him, not at first any way. I'd do exactly what he did to himself. What he's doing to himself now." Tenzin looks away from Korra as a tear begins to run down his face. Fathoming such horrors towards children was never an easy task for Tenzin.

Korra begins to speak again, "I can't begin to imagine what that was like. Especially for Bolin."

"Bolin's no stranger to trauma Korra, from what I've heard, he lost his parents when he was just a boy." Tenzen replies.

Korra acknowledges, but then protests "But seeing the innocence of a child perish, while having a fighting chance to stop it...it must've been...", she decided not to finish her sentence. "You decided to tell me this now?"

"He asked me not to tell anyone else, especially not you."

"**Especially **not me?"

"He didn't want you to worry, he said that as the Avatar, you have more important things to worry about."

Korra felt a sudden jolt of sorrow, but also appreciation. Appreciation at the fact that Bolin always puts her needs above his own.

Tenzin realizes that neither of them were in a training mood anymore. "That's it for today, Korra. Class dismissed." They bowed to each other, and walked their separate ways.


	4. Appreciation

_Dear Diary,_

_Bolin. The sweet sweet guy who's always been there for me. Always. Whenever I was feeling down, scared or nervous, he was the shoulder I leant on. In times of hardship, whether it be facing down Amon or just struggling through a pro-bending tournament, Bolin was the optimistic one of the group who acted like a crutch to give us that extra boost of hope. The one who made me smile when I thought it would be impossible to do so. I'm ashamed to say that I, and probably neither Mako or Asami, or anyone else on Air Temple Island has ever stopped to think about and appreciate the guy. To appreciate what he does. Well, maybe Mako does since he's his brother, but that's besides the point. What I'm more ashamed of is that I called him a jerk today. Him being **him**, I should have anticipated the fact that he would only talk like that if something terrible had happened to him. But me being **me**, I didn't, and I snapped back at him. To top it off, if I had snapped at him, a few weeks ago that is, because I was in a bad mood, I just know he'd never, ever, insult me. I should probably apologize for that soon._

_Speaking of appreciation, I never really appreciated the constant gifts, cup cakes and flowers he gave me as much as I should have. At first he might seem like the comedian of the group who doesn't really contribute nearly as much as the rest of us do. But that's far from the truth. He might not be the most powerful and skilled bender out of all of us (well actually, in recent events he does actually seem like one of the most powerful and strong benders, maybe even more powerful than me at this point, assuming I'm not in the Avatar State), but that's not all that counts. Words, emotional support and the little things like a cupcake or a flower really do make a difference, especially from him. When I really think deeply about some of the situations I've been through with him, I wonder if I ever would have made it without him, and how the outcome would've been if he wasn't there. And what are the outcomes of future events, assuming he isn't there? No, I can't let that happen. I have to bring him back – the Bolin that I just described, the Bolin that everyone knows and loves. I can't believe I never realized this before. It took him going through a horrendous event and his 'absence' from my life for me to stop being so blind. To realize how much I need him. How much I want him. There truly is more to him than meets the eye. If only I had seen it sooner. I'm an idiot. I've taken him for granted, but I can still make things right. Now that **he's** going through a tough time, it's **my turn** to step up and be the shoulder **he** can lean on. I'm sure the others will join me, it's the least we- **I**, could do._

Jinora closes the book, unsure what to make of what she just read. The bedroom door opens suddenly, making her flinch and spill out a slight shriek.

"Uh, oh". As she turns around she panics and attempts a last resort – hiding Korra's diary behind her back.

Korra puts her hands on her hips and tilts her head with a confused look on her face, "Jinora, what are you doing in my room?"

Jinora, reacts defensively "Nothing! I was doing nothing in your room! Well, I was, but, uhm-"

Korra interrupts her, "Stop acting so jumpy, spill it. You're obviously here for a reason. And judging by the look on your face you've done something you shouldn't have. Tell me- wait, what's that behind your back?" Korra's voice elevates a little as she notices how close Jinora is to her bedside table.

Jinora, continuing her paranoid-like defence exclaims "Nothing! Just a book I was reading."

"Mind if I take a look? I'd be delighted to see what you were reading." Korra replies with suspicion. She tilts her head the other way and her torso follows, in an effort to peak behind Jinora's back, but Jinora counters by rotating her stance.

"No! It's, it's private. I don't want anyone to know I'm reading it because it's kind of embarrassing." Jinora was beginning to break.

"You're not the kind of person to be ashamed of reading. You wouldn't read a book that embarrasses you. Not in here anyway. You're also really good at lying, but right now you're not doing such a good job. You just so happened to be nervous about showing me a book you were reading in **my **room_, _next to **my **bedside table_._ Just show me. Now!" Jinora knew Korra knew. She holds out Korra's diary in front of her, with her head down in shame.

Korra acknowledges Jinora's visible regret, and supposedly tries to comfort her by kneeling down and putting her hand on her shoulder, "Okay, you owned up. Don't worry, I'm not mad. You're not in trouble." Korra stood up and grabs the book from Jinora surprisingly gently.

"I'm not?" Jinora looked up to Korra with a transformed face, with a glimpse of hope and an open smile and fists clenched to each other.

"No, I'm..." Before Korra continued, she bends down a little with her hands on her hips again, "I'M **REALLY** MAD, and you're in **HUGE** TROUBLE!"

Jinora flinches, harder than last time. The look of shame returns to her face, and it was hard for Korra not to stand down because of it. "Oh don't give me that look, it wont help you", Korra lied.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but-"

"But. What? You had no right to come in here and read something so precious to me, so private and so not meant for other people to read. Just how long have you been doing this anyway? The whole time I've been on this island?!"

"No, no, just this once. I walked in here after you left for breakfast and noticed how you left your bed in a mess, so I thought it would be nice of me to do tidy it up for you...", Korra **did** leave her bed messy today, so Jinora wasn't lying. Or maybe Jinora just got lucky with assuming the bed was messy. "But while I was setting up the blanket I kinda...uhm, sneezed and then the draw opened and then I couldn't help myself", Jinora knows her** attempt** at an excuse was pathetic.

"You mean you were taking care of the blanket but then thought 'hmmm, I wonder what's in Korra's draws, I know, I'll take a look and scan anything I find, there's nothing wrong with that', am I right?!" Korra suddenly begins to feel motherly, a strange feeling she had never felt before, and just to intensify it, Jinora didn't reply, instead she just kept on looking at the ground with her hands behind her back. Korra didn't let that stop her from carrying on though, Jinora was a smart young girl, but a lesson was to be learned here. Korra returns to her 'comforting stance' – kneeling on the floor, eye to eye with Jinora and a hand on her shoulder, "Look, Jinora. What you did was wrong. And that fact that you did it 'just this once' doesn't make it any better since you could've read the whole thing 'just this once'. It only takes 'just this once' to read through my thoughts over a several month period."

"Yeah I know, I know, but I promise I only read the part about Boli-"

"WHICH PART?!" Jinora couldn't help but let out a giggle. "Don't laugh! It's not funny!"

"The most recent part, honestly. I haven't been in here **that** long you know."

"Well that makes me feel a lot better."

"Look, Korra. I know you'll hate hearing this but I'm actually kind of glad I read it."

"You're damn right I hate hearing you say that!" Korra feels slightly ashamed for talking like that to someone so young, but Jinora seems to be unaffected.

"Bolin...I know he's been acting strange lately but I just thought that was just a teenage thing. I like him. He's nice. And according to you he's been through some 'horrendous event'." Korra didn't take a direct quote from her diary lightly. She is in fact annoyed, but at the same time she knows an important conversation was about to be had, so it brushed off quickly.

"Yeah he has. But you don't have to worry, it's none of your concern."

"It **is** Korra. Bolin's been like the older brother I never had. If he's in pain, I'd like to do my part to help him through it." Korra felt touched that someone besides her, Jinora of all people, had an appreciation for Bolin so strong. Almost like a relief – she isn't the only one. "And to be completely honest, I haven't just been nosey with you."

An eyebrow raised, "What's that supposed to be mean?"

"When I first noticed that Bolin wasn't being as playful with my brother and sister and I as usual, I kinda followed him around a bit...without him knowing that is."

Korra crosses her arms, "You mean you stalked him?"

"Yeah, kinda." Jinora objected with her index finger pointing at Korra, "But only because I was concerned."

"Uh, okay. But what's your point?"

"Well, after one of his almighty super intense lifting sessions, I followed him as he walked off. He ended up in a blind-spot on the island – a place in the courtyard. No one goes there, not even me. It's surrounded by vines so it's the perfect place to do..."

"To do what?", Korra asks, now curious.

"Well, to inject yourself with something". Korra looked dumbstruck. "Korra, I don't think this 'horrendous event' is the only thing that's changed Bolin. It feels like that event caused a knock-on effect, and led to something that changed him even more." Korra sits down on her bed and rests her head on her hand. "See? It's not all bad that I get nosey sometimes. If I wasn't, we wouldn't know that something seriously wrong is up with Bolin."

"Yeah, I guess so." It did make sense to Korra that Bolin's excessive aggressiveness just seemed too 'unnatural' for him. A traumatic event like that would change him, but not so much so that he would take out anger on **her**. She knows that she is that last person Bolin would show anger towards, and she was afraid that she had taken that fact for granted sometimes.

"So, Korra. What's the plan? How are we gonna- wait, actually, before I help plan anything, what happened to Bolin? In your...uhm, diarryyyy...", Jinora hesitated as she remembered how sensitive Korra got at the fact that she read through her diary. But Korra didn't make any sudden moves, she just stared at Jinora.

"Go on", giving her a look of approval, and disapproval at the same time.

"In your diary you mentioned that he went through something really bad, but you didn't say what it actually was that happened to him. Sooo, what happened?"

Korra wasn't sure whether to tell Jinora or not, seeing as she was so young. But Jinora had in fact proved her admirable maturity and intelligence for her age, so she decided to go ahead and tell her the tragic old-news.

Jinora's jaw dropped, and she covered it with her hands. Korra still unsure about whether or not she should have told her or not.

"So, so that's why he's become so desperate to become strong, and why he's been so protective around Meelo, Ikki and I."

"Protective?" Korra seemed both worried but...respectful?

"Yeah, he wouldn't even let me use my glider around him last time. He said that I might accidentally sneeze and fall or something. I guess kids safety is his number one priority right now..." A look of guilt spawned from Jinora's face.

"What's the matter?"

"I yelled at him Korra. He was looking out for me and I told him to leave me alone. I told him he's not my Dad, not my brother..." She rested her forehead on her palm in shame. Korra places her hand on Jinora's back.

"Don't worry. I know the feeling."

"Yeah, I know you do. I read it in a book once." Jinora looked up at Korra, with a slight uplift in her tone of voice, desperately trying to say something humorous to change the mood of the room. It didn't work.


	5. A Typical Night

"No Pabu, you can't follow me into the bathroom. It's weird." Bolin places his furry friend on the floor behind the door, and leaves him with a firm but kind index finger, "Stay here bud."

He closes the door behind him and makes his way to the toilet. Standard procedure. Lift toilet seat up, unzip, the rest comes naturally.

He lifts up the seat, only to make eye contact with a face – her face – staring back at him from within the water.

"Save me." Her words were muffled by the bubbling of the water, and he wakes up, calmly. He inhales deeply through his nose, and exhales through his mouth. He's been through this at least a dozen times now. His reaction is no longer frantic like the first, second and third time.

The entire room feels like it's spinning, but he manages to sit up. His pillow cover drenched in sweat, where the back of his head was resting. Pabu seemingly hasn't noticed Bolin's activity – he's fast asleep, his small body relaxing and contracting as he breathes, so at peace, something Bolin envied. Usually waking up from a nightmare would be a big relief for him, and most people. But right now he isn't 'most people'. The dreadful feeling in his stomach and heat from adrenaline lingers for a few minutes. He's awake now. Too awake. There's probably no use in trying to go back to sleep. It won't happen. With that in mind, he decides to leave the room and take a stroll through the pavement around the island. Perhaps the cold and darkness outside will help soothe his mind and body.


	6. A Team Effort

"I've got it. Bolin used to be a joyful and funny guy right?" Jinora always went from an expression of hopelessness to hopefulness whenever she thought of an idea, but had it dismissed by Korra.

"Yeah...?"

"So all we have to do is make him laugh. Should be easy enough. Now, where's Meelo when you need him?"

"Uhm, Meelo seems a little more vaguely disturbing with his farts and all, rather than funny."

Jinora nodded in agreement, "That is correct, but Bolin was one of the few people that always laughed at Meelo being...Meelo."

Korra sighed. The more she thought about how Bolin used to be, the more she 'missed' him. "Yeah, he would have been, wouldn't he?"

Jinora noticed Korra's slight sadness, but tried to maintain a smile for both of them. "I'll go find Meelo. I guess Ikki can't do any harm either."

"Alright, you do that. I'll try and get a hold of Mako and Asami. Maybe they're-"

"Wait, you're going to tell them?"

"Yeah, I am. Mako is Bolin's brother, he deserves to know. I'd assume he already knows because he's his brother but I haven't seen him around Bolin that much lately, so he probably doesn't know."

"And Asami?" Jinora was aware of Korra's slight distaste for her competition. She knew she'd get an interesting response.

"Well Mako seems to spending a lot of time with herrrr..." Korra gagged a little, and Jinora couldn't help but shed a giggle in response.

"Yeah...?"

"He'll need to give her a good reason to spend some time away from her."

"Not really, if she knows then she'll probably join us and be with Mako anyway."

Korra pinched her knitted eyebrows. "Ugh, yeah you're right."

"I always am." Jinora's pride added to Korra's slight frustration, and she knew it would.

"Oh just go and find Meelo already."

"Very well then." Jinora skipped off, humming, with her hands held behind her back.


	7. The Plan

"Aw man. So that's why he's been acting so...you know." Mako couldn't help but feel guilty that he wasn't able to protect his brother.

"Yeah, I know." Korra looks to Asami, expecting some sort of input.

Mako looks unsure about something. "What is it, Mako?" Asami finally spoke.

"I just don't get why he didn't tell me. He tells me **everything.**"

"He didn't tell any of us. The only people he did tell were Lin and Tenzin, and that's only because they found him where it happened, afterwards. He didn't want us to worry." Korra felt the same jolt of sorrow and appreciation as she regurgitates those words. "He just isn't letting **anyone **in right now."

"Well, we're worrying, whether he likes it or not. We're his friends after all." Asami suddenly had the same look in her eye that Jinora had when she had thought of an idea(s). Korra knew that look anywhere.

"What is it Asami?" Korra now fascinated by what could come next.

"Well, Mako said Bolin tells him everything. Bolin didn't tell him. But he didn't lie about anything. It was more of a lie of omission - he just didn't say anything. So maybe if we have Mako go to Bolin now and have a 'one-to-one' brotherly conversation with him, we might know what he's feeling. Maybe not how to make him feel better, but it's a start."

Mako raises an eyebrow, "We?"

"Yeah, we. Korra and I will be eavesdropping."

"I don't think I'm okay with that." Mako begins to feel slightly nervous, knowing that some personal things will most likely be said during the conversation.

"Doesn't matter. We'll be eavesdropping."

"Can't I just tell you what he said afterwards?"

"Look, I know we're being a little privacy invading, but we can't risk you leaving out keypoints just because you think it's a little awkward to tell us. We need to know exactly how he's feeling so we have a better chance of helping him."

"Ugh, fine." Mako submits, unwilling to cause any conflict with his partner.

"Jinora too." Korra adds, knowing there would be some sort of rejection at the idea. Both Mako and Asami returned an expected look of surprise. "...we kinda made a deal that we'd help Bolin together."

"Wait a minute, **Jinora** knows? One of Tenzin's **kids**? That ain't right." The same feeling of nervousness in Mako intensifies a little.

"Well she found out okay? And she's willing to help. Not only that, without her I wouldn't have known that Bolin is injecting himself with some sort of drug. Probably to boost his strength or something." Mako and Asami pause in shock. "Oh, did I forget to mention that? Anyway, with everything that's happened I'd say we'll need all the help we can get. Now lets do this."


	8. Letting It Out

"Alright guys- I mean girls. Just stay here. And what ever you do, do **not **make a noise. Just listen, **quietly**. And if he decides to walk out for whatever reason, leave quickly, without a noise, before he sees you. Alright?" Mako whispered.

All three of them, crouched together, nod.

Jinora: "Okay."

Asami: "Right."

Korra: "Gotcha."

A pair of knocks are planted on Bolin's bedroom door. No rhythm to them at all. Just one knock, one second, then another.

_Only one person who knocks as dull as that._

"Come in, Mako."

Bolin, slouched over, watches the door open, revealing Mako, through the reflection of a mirror he's sitting in front of.

"Hey Bo. How're you doing?"

"Really? 'How're you doing?' I doubt you're suddenly here just to check up on me." Bolin retorts, still using the mirror to look at his older brother.

Jinora: "Owch."

Korra: "Ssh."

_Wow, he's even worse than I thought._ Mako keeps his cool. Here's here to comfort his brother. Not aggravate him.

"Come on Bo. You're my brother of course I'm here to check up on you."

"Yeah...I'm fine. You seem fine too. Happy? Okay, conversation's over. Great to see you. Remember to close the door behind you."

Asami: "Woah..."

Jinora: "Ssh."

"You never were a good liar." Mako's objective to not aggravate his troubled brother has already failed.

"And you've always been sooo good at everything, haven't you? You're the smart one. The **strong **one... Look Mako, just tell me what you want."

"I want to look out for my brother. I want to know why you've been acting so miserable lately." Mako remembers not to make it known to Bolin that he knows why Bolin has changed. He has to get Bolin to say it himself.

"Lets just say I've learned an important lesson."

Mako sighs, knowing that he has to resort to a personal topic in front of three listeners.

"Is it because of her?"

"Who?" Bolin initially thinks of the little girl. But then he realizes the only person Mako could be referring to is "Korra?"

Jinora: "Ooo, this should be interesting."

Korra: "Ssh!", now more interested in the conversation at hand.

"...yeah."

"What about her?"

"Well, are you upset about her or something?"

"You mean at the fact that the two people I loved most in this world stabbed my heart? No, I'm not upset about that."

**Loved. **Past tense. That word devastated both Mako and Korra. Jinora and Asami could even sense it. Asami places a hand on Korra's shoulder.

"Look, Bolin, listen-"

"No you listen! All my life, I've tried to be nice. I've tried to love people. For who they are and never out of obligation. When I first met Korra, I didn't know she was the Avatar. Yet I adored her anyway. I showed kindness to her just like I did everyone else. I thought that would've at least counted for something...heh, I guess I was kiddin' myself, I mean how noticeable was a guy like **me** to a girl like **her**, next to a guy like **you**...Tahno was right after all, nice guys do come last." A brief silence haunted the room. "I loved you for all those years not just because you were my brother, but because of you as a person, a person that did so much for me...which has led me to another hard truth I've had to come to terms with - is that **no-one**, not even **you**, returned that gift to me."

"What are you talking about Bolin? I can't believe you would say that. Of course I loved- love you."

"Yeah, but only because I'm your brother. If we weren't related, chances are you wouldn't even give me a second look if we met. When people see me, they see a Fire Ferret available for an autograph. Even Mom and Dad only loved us because we're their sons. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just adding to my point."

Korra's mind is overrun with guilt. She knows Bolin is right. He was one of the few people that immediately showed compassion towards her prior to knowing she's the Avatar. Come to think of it, the only other people who have done that are her parents, and like Bolin said, they were 'obligated' to do so because she's their daughter. Jinora and Asami, in awe, were unsure what to make of what they just heard.

"Bolin! You're being so delusional right now. Yeah I love you because you're my brother, but like you said, as a person as well. I've never met anyone as-"

"Save it Mako. For the first time in my life I'm not being delusional. I'm not being naïve. I'm just seeing the world how it is - I let people in, I get hurt. That's just the way it works apparently. There's no room for the weak. Only the strong survive."

"And you're all about being strong now huh?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Yeah I've noticed how obsessed you've become with getting stronger. Any particular reason for that?"

Bolin clenches his fists. His eyes begin to water. A slightly longer pause occurrs this time.

"I...I wasn't strong enough."

"What do you mean? Not strong enough for what?"

"Strong enough to save an eight year old girl from drowning!" Bolin finally stands up and turns around to face his brother, while tears are rushing down his paler-than-usual face. Mako does the only thing he could do – give his little brother a hug. He wraps his arms around him, but Bolin's arms didn't seem to have any life in them to do the same to his older brother.

"It's alright Bo, I'm here. Just let it out."

"She was drowning Mako...she was drowning and I couldn't save her. I'm an Earthbender, and I couldn't even lift a freaking boulder out of the way. That's pathetic. Just like me. Now she's **dead**. Gone forever. I can still remember the look on her parents faces when I told them..."

"You did what you could. You can't beat yourself up like this. This has to stop, Bo."

Bolin's entire body is trembling at this point. No longer able to stand, he falls to his knees, and Mako follows him to the ground.

"I know I should be over this by now, bro. It happened nearly two months ago but for some reason it just wont go away. I feel so guilty, angry and **alone,** and I don't know why!"

"You're **never **alone, Bolin. I'll always be here, **always**. Like I always have been. You know that."

"I do. You've always had to look out for me. Like I'm some sort of burden. When we were kids I always considered leaving you so you wouldn't have to constantly take care of me. It would've been easier for you, but I didn't because I was too scared of going on my own. But now I can take care of myself, so if I leave, maybe you wont have to worry about me anymore."

"Bolin, listen to me. It was hard for both of us. Yeah it was harder for me since I had a little bro to take care of, but it wasn't just you who needed me. I needed you too. If you did leave me, I would've had no one. No one to talk to. No one to trust. No one to love and no one to love me back. You were and still are the only family I have left. Believe it or not, I needed you just as much as you needed me. Just like I do now. We stick together, got it?"

"Yeah...thanks Mako." Bolin sniffles while wiping his nose with his sleeve.

They both stand up. Bolin's own physical stability seems to have returned.

"Now doesn't that feel better? I'll bet you're glad you got that off your chest."

"I guess so...a little..." Bolin sniffles again while wiping the tears off his face. His eyes now bloodshot.

"Come on, lets get out'a here. This place is depressing."

Korra, Jinora and Asami all nod to each other to signify their exit.


	9. Taking It Slow

All four of the group are gathered at the Plaza.

Asami: "Well that was...dramatic."

Jinora: "I've never seen such a brotherly bond before. I think it was kinda cute."

Mako: "That's because you're ten years old and you have Meelo for a brother."

Asami: "Mako!"

Mako: "What? She thinks my brother, crying, is cute."

Jinora: "Hey I never said that. I just meant-"

Korra: "Can we just get back on topic? We still don't know anything about the injections. Mako, why didn't you ask him about them?"

Mako: "It didn't feel like the right time to ask. He just let out his feelings to me, which by the way, is a huge step forward in healing. I wasn't prepared to spoil the moment and start interrogating him. We gotta take this slowly."

Korra: "Yeah, you're right. Jinora, what ever happened to getting Meelo and Ikki to help cheer him up?"

Mako: "What? They know too?! Well you might as well just tell everyone on the island."

Jinora: "No silly, I'm the only one under 11 years of age that knows. Korra and I just thought my two siblings could help bring a smile to Bolin's face, that's all. Anyway, Korra, I went looking for Meelo and I found him, but he was too busy doing whatever he calls fun. And I decided that at this point, Bolin is too irritable for Ikki's relentless questioning and commenting. I'm sure they'll be able to help, just not now. Perhaps when Bolin is feeling a little better."

Korra: "Fair enough."

Asami: "So when should you ask him about the injections?"

Mako: "When the time is right, I'll know."


	10. Dealing With Nightmares

Another night with incomplete sleep. He sits up, room spinning as usual. This time Pabu had been woken up. He stares at him for a moment, and the fire ferret stares back.

"Hey buddy, I guess I won't be getting any more sleep tonight as well." A yawn breaks out from him. It spreads to Pabu. "Tenzin recommended me use meditation as a recovery tool from any post-traumatic stress. I guess this is the time to use it."

As he stands up, he looks at himself in the mirror and grips his right shoulder with his left hand. The steroid-induced acne on his back has spread. He sighs.

"I guess I won't be wearing tank tops anymore either. I'll be back. Just go back to sleep okay?" Pabu obeys and rests his head back onto his cushion, prompting Bolin to make his exit.

Bolin decided he had been procrastinating from this long enough. He made his way to the plaza, first through the hallway, with steady steps, making sure the floor boards would creak to a minimum to avoid waking up any of the Air Acolytes. Once he made it out of the hall way, his footsteps increased in speed and lessened in steadiness. He sat down in a cross-legged position, unsure of what to do exactly.

"Alright, I guess I'm supposed to just sit here, and think about...nothing?" He closes his eyes and attempts his own suggestion. But as expected, he sees her face. "Damn it, every time I try she just pops up into my mind!" His eyes squeeze together tightly.

"Who pops up into your mind?" Korra was unknowingly standing behind him. Startled, Bolin opens his eyes and looks back at her before she could blink. "Easy there, you could sprain your neck like that. Didn't mean to scare you Bobo."

"Please don't call me that."

"Sure thing Bo." Korra sits beside him and smiles at him. Her smile always did put him in a different zone. Right now he is **almost **impervious to it, but it did have the slightest effect of relaxing him. "I find it easier to meditate with my fists touching each other, like this." Korra demonstrates her position.

"Meditation...you came here for that. Well I'll be going then." Bolin attempts to stand up, only to be pulled back down to the ground.

"Don't. I just...I just came here to enjoy the view."

"Yeah, really. The hardly visible view of the dark. Come on Korra I'm not **that** dumb."

"Hey I never said you were dumb."

"You didn't have to. I know you only come here at this time of day to meditate."

"And how would you know that, Bolin? You wouldn't happen to be watching me every night, would you?" Korra's smirk and arched eyebrow unsettled the soft-hearted young man.

"Uh, uhm..." Korra couldn't help but giggle. She always knew that Bolin was terrible at thinking of excuses. "I just do okay! You're the Avatar, you need this place more than I do."

"The fact that **you're **here proves that **you **need it more than I do. Now, you still haven't answered my question: who keeps popping up into your mind?"

Bolin was never good at lying, especially when it came to spontaneous lies. And she knew it. It was one of the things about him that she enjoyed to tinker with.

"Uhm, uhh. Y-You do. Wait no I mean-" Instantly regretting his choice of stuttered words, Korra decides to play along.

"Really? That's kinda sweet. You pop up into my mind too, Bolin."

"**Really?!**" He produces a half-smile. "I mean, whatever." Korra couldn't help but adore Bolin's sudden ecstasy. "I'm sure lots of guys pop up into your mind."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

_Why on Earth would I say that? Ugh, I gotta get outta here before I say something else._ "Nothing. Nevermind. Goodbye."

Bolin tries a second attempt at standing up, but is again pulled back down.

"Stay, please. I know something's up. I only ever come here during the night or early morning when I can't sleep. And judging by the bags under your eyes, I'd say your reason for being here is the same. You had a bad dream or something?"

"...I guess you could say that."

"Wanna talk about it?" She gently strokes Bolin's upper cheek, right beneath his left eye.

"No." He swipes her hand off.

She tries to put on her best puppy dog face. "Pleeeaaaase." It doesn't work of course.

"No." He looks away from her.

She sighs, "Fine, but you know, I used to have nightmares about Amon. I still do sometimes."

"Yeah, I know."

"Yeah, you do know, because who helped me out during those good ol' nights? You did, and I'd be more than happy to return the favour if you're going through a rough time right now."

A silence is shared between them. Bolin was actually considering the idea of opening up to Korra.

"I'm fine, Korra. Thanks for your concern." Bolin makes his third attempt at an exit, and Korra doesn't stop him.

As Bolin walks away, "Oh and one more thing Bolin."

He stops to listen. "What is it?"

"Sorry about calling you a jerk the other day."

"It's fine. I probably deserved it anyway."

Korra begins to act as if she is mediating, but all she can do now is think of him.


	11. Advice

A triad of consecutive knocks occur on Lin Beifong's door, breaking her sleep. She takes a few minutes to walk downstairs and peak through the lens on her door.

_Oh, the pro-bender. What could he want?_

"Hi, Ms Beifong.", for a moment he paused to bask at how...human, Lin looked without her uniform. She was dressed in...pyjamas? Thin and light clothes, no pattern to them, plain, but still...pyjamas? And a gown?! _Wow, she's a person too._ "Sorry to bother you at such an early hour."

"Oh, it's you. Come on in, kid. Hurry, it's freezing outside." As he takes a few steps forward she closes the door behind him. "What are doing here at seven in the morning? I like to sleep in on Sunday believe it or not." She notices the eye bags on him, "And it looks like you should be doing so too"

The drastic change in temperature from outside to inside made it feel like ice is melting off Bolin's face. As his shivering came to an end he blew out his last cold breath.

"I'm sorry Ms Beifong, I couldn't sleep. Not for long anyway."

Lin arched an eyebrow, "I told you you can call me Lin, and so what? You decided to disturb my sleep as well?"

"No, Ms- Lin.", slightly frustrated, he lets out a sigh. "I just got desperate. I need your advice."

_Wow, a kid asking me of all people for advice. This oughta be interesting._

"Advice on what?" Lin crosses her arms, expecting a worthwhile excuse.

"On how to deal with...uhm. Well-"

"Come on, kid, spit it out already."

"Alright! That little girl. The one who drowned. The one I didn't save. I can't stop thinking about her, Lin. It's driving me crazy. A night doesn't go by where I have some sort of freaky nightmare about her or her parents. You told me that I need to accept the fact that I can't save everyone. I feel like I have accepted that. So why do still feel so...guilty? I take it you told me that because you've had to face that truth. I would've gone to Tenzin for advice but something tells me you have more experience with trauma. You being an officer and all. So I'm guessing you could, you know, give me some tips on how to sleep better and stuff?"

Lin's facial expression softens slightly, and she places a hand on his shoulder.

"Okay. I get it. You want help. You're looking for some magical method to make the pain stop. Believe me I tried lots of things. But in the end, you just have to wait it out. Ever heard of the saying 'time heals all wounds'?"

A look of disappointment contaminates Bolin's face and voice. "Yeah..."

"Well, it's true. You'll get over this, eventually. It's your first time facing **this **kind of trauma, so don't expect it to suddenly go away. If you wanna know how to make it slightly easier and quicker, then just make sure you don't block everyone out. Don't bottle yourself up like I did. Let the people who love you, help you. During my years as Chief I've had to face some pretty tough decisions. And it's hard not to let it overwhelm me, but as much as I hate to admit it, letting someone in here and there can be pretty helpful, even when it doesn't feel right at first."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I opened myself up a little to my brother the other day. It did help me feel better."

"Good. To be completely honest with you, I never opened myself up as much as I should have. I've always had issues with my family so I thought letting them in was never an option. Only now, in hindsight do I realize it probably wasn't such a bad idea...and it looks like that decision had its toll on me. But you're young, and you most certainly do have people who care about you. Your brother, the Avatar, Sato, Pema, Tenzin, hell even Tenzin's kids could do a pretty good job at cheering you up. Believe me, I know. Remind yourself of the things you have and it'll get better, trust me."

Bolin's eyes widen at his surprise. "Thanks Lin. I knew coming to you was good idea." But still, no smile. Not yet.

"No problem, kid." Lin didn't dare tell Bolin that she was somewhat desperate for him to leave. She did try to hint it at him through body language, but he didn't notice, like usual. "Well, it's been nice talking to you."

"Yeah, alright. I guess I'll be going now." _Finally. _"But wait." _Oh, what now? _"What about the constant nightmares? The sleepless nights?"

"Cuddle with your pet ferret or something- I mean, that'll be something you just have wait out as well. It's normal to feel guilty. If it's that bad then just spend some more time with the people you love, closer to your bed time. Come on, I can't hold your hand on everything."

Bolin finally realizes that he's no longer wanted here. "Alright alright, I'm going."

Lin smirks at him as he turns around and makes his way for the door.

She opens the door and he exits, but right before she shuts the door, "Oh and Lin,"

"**What. **Is it? Bolin?"

"I was wondering if you could, uhm, you know, teach me how to metalbend?"

"I'll think about it."

And she slams the door shut.

_Finally, I thought he'd never leave._


	12. Not Just Strength

Running. Running until you truly can't run anymore. One of life's most convenient methods of testing one's own mental toughness. To Bolin, him not being able to get past the boulder in time isn't the only thing that factored towards the girl's death. If he had gotten there quicker, maybe he could've got to her in time. The time it took for him to take out those scum bags could've also been shorter. He's decided that being a more skilful fighter would be beneficial as well. He needs to be stronger, but he also needs to be faster. He needs to be better in every way.

_Just keep going. Don't think about how tired you are. Don't think about how you just wanna collapse onto the ground. Don't be weak. Don't think about anything! Just go, **go!**_

First lap around the island. _Okay, that's one. Now for another. Come on. _Sweat already dripping from his face, breathing rapid and heart pounding, _just block it out. No pain, no gain. __**Keep going. **__Don't stop no matter what._

Second lap around the island. _Two down. Holy crap this is exhausting. But it doesn't matter. Any kind of pain is better than what I felt that day. Don't stop. _His chest and the back of his shirt are now drenched. It looks as if someone has poured a bucket of water over him. The wind blowing against him begins to take its toll. His eyes water. _Oh man my back itches. It itches! Damn you, body! No, must not scratch. Just stay focused and it'll be like it's not there. Don't even think about stopping._

Third lap around the island. _Three down, I think. I'm probably wasting energy just by thinking. But how can I not think? Aaahhhh! _He begins to slow down. His legs now making the slightest of wobbles. _No, no not now. Just one more lap. Just. One. More. COME ON! _He manages to block out the temptation to start walking and so he returns to his desired speed. The lactic acid will not get the better of him. It will not. _Half way there. No, three quarters of the way there! So close. Nearly there. Yes. Come on. _His right foot begins to cramp. _No, NOOOO! My foot hurts so bad. Aching. Cramping. I swear the universe is out to get me. Maybe if I take my shoes off and- NO, if I stop running now I wont be able to start again. Must. Finish. Lap. _He continues to move forward, but his pace severely decreased by his limping. A torturous minute passes by and his other foot cramps up. Finally, his movement comes to an end as he collapses. He lies on his back, panting. Deep breaths. His belly rising then lowering like Pabu when he's sleeping. His arms spread out to his sides. He feels like screaming in frustration. Breaking something. Anything to let out his frustration. But he can't. His body is almost completely drained of energy. Usually after a running session as gruelling as this he'd be grateful he's still alive to feel the awesome sensation of finally catching his breath. But now, as he looks 'up' and stares into the distance at the starting point so close to him, with an upside down view, all he can do is whimper. _You pathetic little...UUUGGGHH, it was right there. Four laps. Was that so hard? So what if your feet hurt a little. If that was her right there she'd be dead, again, and you'd be here on the floor crying like a little b-_

A gust of air brushes over Bolin's face, breaking his train of thought. He hears the sound of a pair of glider wings click together. "Wow Bolin, I've never seen anyone run that far before." Bolin looks to his left side to find Jinora. Behind her are Meelo and Ikki.

His words separated by panting and wheezing, "You...were...watching me...the whole time?!", now looking back up at the sky for more comfortable head position.

"Not the whole time, we just decided take a stroll in the sky earlier, but then we saw you, then we watched you, but then me and Meelo got bored so we did some other stuff, but I'm not sure about Jinora, I think she did watch you the whole time, I think she likes you, and then we came back here and you were still running, you can run really far, you must've done like a gazillion laps, do you know how far one lap is around the island, don't worry I know you don't know but I know so I'll tell you – about three miles, wow wow wow Bolin!"

_Definitely Ikki._

"Yeah Bolin, I bet you wish you were an Airbender with a glider after all that."

_Gotta be Meelo._

"Do you require any assistance, Bolin?"

_Jinora._

"I'm...I'm fine, Jinora, thanks." Finally caught up to his breath, Bolin decides to just stay lying on the ground. "Three miles huh? Well I **nearly**..." Bolin couldn't help but let out a tiny bit of frustration, but the children's presence kept his composure, "ran four laps. So that should beee...uhhm, uh I'm too tired to think, Jinora?"

"Three laps would be nine miles. An almost-fourth lap would add roughly two and three quarter miles. Sooo, nearly **twelve** miles. Wow Bolin, that's...that's incredible."

"No, it isn't. My goal was **four **laps, nearly four wont cut it. **Nearly, **is failure." Jinora could tell Bolin was referring to the girl he failed to rescue. She sits next to him in a cross-legged position.

"That is true, but it's not like this is the only time you can run. You can keep doing it weekly until you get better, right?" Jinora makes an attempt to comfort.

"Right, but sometimes you only get one attempt at something. So I say it's better to treat everything like you can only do it once. And yeah Meelo, being an Airbender with a glider would make getting around a lot easier. But I'm Earthbender, so I'll have to make due with what I've got – my legs."

"Your very huge legs! Those squats really work!" Meelo stands in front of Bolin's feet and imitates Bolin squatting during his strength training sessions, with details such as facial expression and grunting. He lets out a fart while at the bottom of the position. "Ha ha, sometimes it looks like you need more fibre."

"Aw Meelo that's disgusting!" Both Jinora and Ikki exlaim in sync.

"Ha, you're probably right." Bolin spoke while staring at the clouds. The slight humour in his voice makes Jinora's eyes light up.

Ikki sits on her knees behind the crown of Bolin's head and pops her head in front of Bolin's line of sight, blocking out most of the blue light from the sky. "Well I'm sure there's some Earthbender way to get around easier. Like how we Airbenders have gliders and air-scooters. Maybe you can move the ground beneath you. Maybe you can create slides everywhere. Maybe you can hurl yourself into the air with a pillar from the ground and then land on a slide or maybe you could just learn how to drive a vehicle."

"All of those ways are pretty destructive, Ikki. Have you ever wondered why there's a metalbending police force and not an earthbending police force? It's because metal bending requires only the bending of the metal cables and other select equipment the officers use, and not the surroundings. Earthbending would do some real damage to buildings in Republic City. Especially when used to get around quicker. As for driving, I've considered it, but I don't exactly have the money." Unknown to the children, or anyone else for that matter, Bolin did in fact save enough money for a cheap car, but after his life-changing incident he spent all of it on steroids and extra food.

"Perhaps Asami could lend you a Satomobile?" Jinora asks, expecting some sort of realization of such a simple solution from Bolin.

"She isn't exactly in a financially stable position either. Not after what happened with her father. It wouldn't be fair to ask her."

"So why don't you just learn how to metalbend?" Jinora asks, hoping he wouldn't tell her he can't.

"For that I'd need to go to a metal-bending academy. And again, I don't have the money for that."

"I'm sure Ms Beifong would be happy to teach you." Jinora seems to be making up for Bolin's lost sense of hope.

"I've already asked her. She told me she'll think about it. I doubt she'll say yes. Even if she does agree to teach me, she probably wont be happy to do it."

"Ooooo, when you learn to metalbend, could you make me a rose out of metal? Pretty pleeeeaaaase!" Ikki pleads while clenching her fists together.

"Sure, Ikki, but that's **if **I learn how to metalbend."

"I want a metal helmet. I'd be invincible!" Meelo exclaims

"Meelo, the size of a metal helmet needed for your head would weigh you down too much." Jinora points out, taking away Meelo's spark.

"Haaaha!" For the first time in two months, Jinora had heard Bolin laugh and...smile? It was only a small outbreak of laughter, and only half a smile, but it felt amazing to bring out the slightest bit of happiness from him. Bolin finally stands up and presses on his knees with his hands to help himself do so. "Alright kids, as much as I'd like to stay here and relax and stare at the clouds and listen Ikki talk like this all the time..." Bolin inhales deeply, "I'm starving and I need to take a shower."

Meelo: "Food time!"

Ikki: "Okay byeeeee!"

Jinora: "Very well."

Meelo and Ikki both create air-scooters and race each other to the dining room. Jinora decides to walk with Bolin.

"Aren't you gonna go race with your brother and sister? Air-ball racing does look pretty fun."

"It's called an air-scooter, and no, I won't. I'd rather walk with you."

"Your loss. You'll have to walk with a sweaty smelly guy for at least ten minutes."

"Eh, I don't mind. I've smelled a lot worse from the sky bison, trust me." She grips his sweaty hand. "Besides, I wouldn't want to leave you alone out here." She looks up at him and gives him a smile.

Surprised by her actions, Bolin squeezes her hand ever so gently, careful not to hurt the seemingly fragile girl, and looks down at her, and returns a smile, a **full **smile, "Thanks Jinora."


	13. The Little Things

Now outside the dormitories, Jinora and Bolin part ways. She wipes her hand against her robes and heads for the women's dormitory, and Bolin to the men's. Asami is waiting for her at the women's entrance. Once at the entrance, "I take it your talk with Bolin went well. Walking together while holding hands? That's so cute!" Asami holds her hands together below her face in adoration.

"Yes, yes it is. It went very well, Asami. I actually managed to make him laugh **and **smile. At first it was just a small shed of laughter, and only a half smile. But then I managed to bring out a full smile out of him by holding his hand. That has to be the first smile he's made in at least two months. **I **broke his no-smile streak." Jinora pulls on her collar as she speaks with pride.

"Alright, no need to get all smug about it. Good job though. I think we really have helped him 'heal' quite a bit. At this rate he'll be back to his good ol' self again."

"We? Mako has helped him by getting him to let out his feelings. I've helped him by making him laugh **and **smile **and **making him feel less lonely. You and Korra have yet to do something significant."

"Ugh, yeah you're right."

"I always am."

"Hmmmm, I'm not sure what **I **can do. Bolin and I aren't as close as he is with Korra and Mako. I could give him a gift."

"Well, then get closer to him. The less lonely he feels, the better he'll feel. And as for a gift, he just ran about twelve miles, probably to become more mobile. Ikki brought up the idea of just getting a Satomobile instead, but he said he doesn't have the money. I suggested him ask you for one, but he dismissed the idea, saying it wouldn't be fair to ask you because you aren't in a 'financially stable position' after...you know, what happened to your father."

_Wow, even when depressed and angry he still considers my needs over his own. That's so...Bolin._

Asami sighs after the mention of her father. "Yeah, I'll try to spend some more time with him. It's sweet of him to think of my financial needs, even when he's literally broke. I'll be more than happy to give him a Satomobile."

"Uhm, I'd suggest against suddenly giving him a gift like that out of the blue. Doing so could cause him to suspect that we're collaborating to help him feel better, since he'll know I told you to do it. And I'm not sure how he'd react to that. Remember that one of our main goals is to make sure he doesn't know we all know. Like Mako, you have to make sure he doesn't know you know."

"Hmmm, I've got it! He's been working out really hard lately. Gaining muscle and strength is his top priority right now. That means he's eating a lot more, right?"

"Yes, we've recently had to have the Air Acolytes deliver more food to the island because of him."

"Yeah, and your vegetarian diet isn't going to satisfy him. He's a big meat eater, literally. And he's broke. So the best 'small gift' to start off with is food - I'll get him a take out...a few hundred take outs if I have to."

"Great idea. He'll appreciate the 'little things'" Jinora smiles as she makes a reference to Korra's diary entry.

Bolin struggles to pull off his shirt due to the stickiness caused by his sweat. _Come in you stupid shirt, get off me! _And he hears a tear. "GAAAHHH!" He squeezes the threads beside his neck with both hands and tears them off in frustration, and proceeds to shred apart the shirt into tiny pieces of cloth, scratching himself in a few areas in the process. Unknown to him, the room door is open and behind it is an Air Acolyte, staring at him in awe. He pauses as he spots the Acolyte staring at him, "WHAT'RE YOU LOOKIN' AT?! HUH?!"

The Acolyte replies in a feeble voice, "Nothing sir", closes the door and scurries off. Inhaling and exhaling deeply through rage, he then turns around to see his dressing table, just sitting there...waiting to be smashed. And so he raises his two fists and hammers the table with both of them simultaneously, causing the table to crumble. His deep breathing rate begins to slow down. He begins to calm down. _Ah, that feels a lot better._

A pair of knocks are planted on his door. "Bolin? Is everything alright in there? I thought I heard some shouting and a bang." _Tenzin, crap. Can't let him come in here. Table broken. No shirt on to cover acne. Gotta get rid of him._

"Yes, Master Tenzin, everything's fine. I just stub my toe and stomped the floor out of pain. Sorry!"

"Alright then."

The sound of footsteps moving away from the room relieves Bolin, "Phew."

_Pfft, 'never was a good liar' my ass. Alright, time for the socks, and this time no tearing and smashing please._

He continues to remove the rest of his clothing, and then wears a pair of shorts he only wears before going to the shower room. Usually he would grab and swing his bath towel over his shoulder, but this time he is wary of anyone spotting him shirtless due to the acne on his back. So instead he decides to pinch each edge of one side of the towel and hang it over his back, like a cape.

He opens the door just enough so he can pop his head through and check to see if anyone is in the hallway. _No one. Alright, it's go time. _He leaves his room, closing the door behind him with his foot and walks hastily towards the shower room. Once there, he sighs again in relief. _Yes, no one's here. _He swings his towel over the towel rack._ Alright, I gotta do this quick. Get in, get out._ But as he rotates the water knob, releasing warm and steamy water all over him, _oooohhhh yessss...that's the stuff...maybe a few sets of ten minutes wouldn't hurt...man that feels good._


	14. Lunch Time

Tenzin and his family, Korra, Mako and Bolin are all seated at the dining table. Korra on Bolin's left, Mako on Bolin's right. Bolin's appetite alone outweighs that of anyone else on the island, even Korra's, but combined with the fact that he just ran nearly twelve miles meant that he was ready to eat every bit of food served onto the table. He stares at the insufficient meal in front of him. Three vegetable-filled dumplings, a bowl of vegetable-mixed noodles and two sweet buns (rice dumplings wrapped in leaves).

_Well, at least it has a lot of fibre like Meelo mentioned earlier. But aw man I'm gonna be so hungry after this. Maybe if I ask someone else for their- NO. They need their food just as much as I need mine...I think? Besides, I'd only get a tiny bit more out of anyone else's leftovers. It wouldn't make that much of a difference..._

"Bolin? Aren't you hungry? You haven't touched your food yet." Pema asks. Bolin suddenly realizes he had just been staring at the food. "Ikki told me how you ran twelve miles. I thought you'd have finished everything on your plate by now."

"Oh, oh. Sorry Pema. I was just, lost in thought." He eats each of his dumplings in one bite. All four of them gone within a minute. Korra stares in admiration.

Pema now looks at Korra, "Korra, you too?"

"Huh?" She turns away from Bolin and looks back at Pema.

"Are you lost in thought at as well? You're usually a big-eater like Bolin here."

"Except, not literally. You just eat big." Jinora adds.

"Oh, I was just, watching Bolin eat." She begins gobbling down her food but he pauses at the mention of his name.

"What?" Bolin asks, while his mouth full of noodles. He sucks up the last bit of noodles hanging down his chin. He chews and swallows. _Why am I the centre of attention?_ "I can't eat while you guys are staring at me."

"No one's staring at you Bolin. Lets all just focus on eating right now." Tenzin joins in.

"Wait a second." Mako quickly adds before speaking becomes unacceptable. Tenzin sighs. "Pema, did you just say my brother ran **twelve **miles?"

"He sure did!" Meelo exclaims.

"Yeah, he was lying on the floor wheezing and panting, trying to catch his breath for at least five minutes. He was all sweaty and smelly and-" Ikki's streak of speech is stopped by a pinch on the shoulder from her mother.

"Ikki, sweety, time to eat." And so Ikki focuses her attention on the table.

"Wow, bro. I thought you were strictly aiming for strength. Lifting over a thousand kilos of rocks and all."

"Yeah well being able to get around quicker would help in some situations..." Bolin stares down at his empty bowl, his voice monotone.

"Well I'm glad you're taking self-improvement so seriously bro."

Bolin stands up and makes his way towards the door.

"Bolin? Finished already? Aren't you gonna eat anymore?" Pema looks up to Bolin.

"No Pema. I've finished all of my food."

"Well it clearly wasn't enough for you. I can tell you're still hungry. Take some more dumplings and rice."

"I would but then there wouldn't be that much left for the rest of you. I'll just-"

"Eat this." Asami enters the room. "I got a take-out from Narook's Seaweed Noodlery for you. I thought you might need this."

"Asami...you're like, the best ever! Thank you!" Bolin grabs the bag in delight with one arm and uses the other to hug Asami.

"Oooh, easy there Bo, you're crushing me." Bolin instantly releases her.

"Oh, sorry." He turns around and takes a step forward towards the table, but stops at the smell of meat from his meal. "Hmmm, I'll eat this elsewhere."

"Nonsense, eat here." Pema almost demands.

"But there's meat in it. This is strictly a veggie zone."

Tenzin realizes that Korra has most likely told her friends of Bolin's current struggle, and decides to join them in helping a friend in need. "You are right Bolin, but we shall make an exception for you. Now would everyone just concentrate on eating. You too Asami."

_Damn chopsticks. I wish somebody would invent an easier way to eat this stuff. Like, some sort of thing you stab food with and hold it like that and shove it into your mouth. Kinda like a pitch fork but smaller. I'm sure you can do that with a pair of chop sticks though..._

Bolin attempts to stab and wield impaled noodles but they're too slippery for the chopsticks. _Ah screw it. I'll do it the way Korra does it. _And so he picks up the bowl and tilts it, causing the remaining noodles to flood into his mouth. He can feel eyes on him, but he doesn't care. _If I learn how to metalbend I'm gonna solve this problem._

"Well, I see you were pretty desperate for some city food." Asami can't help but smile at Bolin's satisfaction.

"Yeah, you almost look like Korra!" Meelo yells, as he tries to imitate Bolin's actions, only to be stopped by his mother.

Bolin pauses, "Well, yeah." He looks over towards Tenzin "But not because I have anything against the food over here, heh heh."

Korra nudges Bolin, "Come on, Bolin. There's no shame in missing the food you grew up with. I could really use some sea prunes right nowww..." She seemingly falls into some sort of short-lived trance "But, this food's good I guess." Tenzin stares at Korra with an arched eyebrow. "Come on Tenzin. If you were eating a diet that doesn't match your usual vegetarian diet you'd feel the same way."

While Korra and Bolin discuss their childhood cuisine, Jinora, Mako and Asami converse.

Jinora, now sitting between Mako and Asami, nudges both of them, retrieving their attention. "You two, this is the perfect moment – make him laugh."

Asami looks at Bolin, then back at Jinora and Mako. "And how do you expect us to do that? Say a joke?"

"Well, yes. Mako, you're Bolin's brother. What kind of joke would Bolin laugh at?"

Mako pauses for a brief moment to think, and then his face lights up at a solution. "Well, he tends to laugh at his own jokes. And I'm pretty sure he'd say a joke about food since we're all here eating. But uhm...what he would say exactly..."

"Come on Mako what would he say?" Jinora pesters impatiently.

"I've got it." Mako attempts to catch his brother's attention. "Ahem. Uh, Bolin. I just thought of a hilarious joke. Wanna hear it?" Bolin and Korra stop to look at Mako.

"It'll probably do the opposite of making me laugh but sure, go ahead."

"What did the plate say to the other plate?"

"I dunno, what?"

"Lunch is on me!" Mako braces himself for the possibility of silence...and he was right to do so.

But finally, Bolin breaks the silence "Heh, heh heh heh. Anyway," and he resumes his conversation about seaweed noodles with Korra.

Asami nudges Mako "You call that a joke?"

"It's exactly what Bolin would say!"

"Well, despite the awkward silence I'd say things have gone pretty well. Asami's bought Bolin some food. You've gotten him to open up his feelings. I made him laugh and smile. Now it's Korra's turn to do something"

Mako raises both eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yes, Korra has yet to do something significant for Bolin."

"No, I meant, you made him laugh and smile? **You?**"

"Yes, that's right Mako. And I didn't need to say a bad joke to do it."

Her smugness irritated Mako. "Well excuuuuuse me. But seriously, what **did **you do?"

"Well, I-"

"She told Bolin she didn't want to let him walk alone, and walked with him while holding his hand! It was so cute, you should've seen it." Asami's smile spread across her cheeks.

"Aw, that is cute. But **that's **what made him laugh?"

"No, Mako. That's what made him smile. I was about to tell you what I did to make him laugh, until **Asami interrupted **me." She glares at Asami.

Asami leans away a little, "Eesh, sorry Jinora. Carry on then."

"I told Meelo that a metal helmet big enough for his head would weigh him down too much."

"Pffft, haha. So you did tell him a joke then."

"No, I told him a fact."

Both Mako and Asami burst out in laughter. A good time is had by all.


End file.
